Though I’ve always been a huge feminist and supporter of women’s issues, I’ve realized a part of me has often felt the need to cover this part of myself up, especially on social media, in an attempt to be more agreeable, more likable, more “down to earth” and more “chill.”
There has been a stigma placed on feminism, often associating it with radical, “crazy” women who take up too much space, who “ruin” social events and who ask for “too much.” It has become a burden for women to ask for people to respect us.
Our desire for respect, kindness, fair treatment and safety is met with us being told we are asking “far too much.” When we speak out about these issues, we are met with blind indifference and annoyance, others making it painstakingly clear that they wish we would just be silent.
It’s not always easy to explain the experiences of being a woman, especially to other men. There comes a certain shame of being a woman, a shame I recognized when I was 8 years old.
This led to me being ashamed of my gender for years, making attempts to seem less feminine. Less of a target. Growing up, I went through an internally misogynistic phase, desperate to prove to others that I was worthy of respect, which led to me abandoning certain feminine traits that I had been taught were “less desirable.”
Succeeding as a woman meant carrying the pressure of your gender on your back. When I competed in male-dominated events or games, I was the minority feeling the weight to succeed more so than my male counterparts. When a guy was terrible at the game, he “just sucked.” If I was terrible, it was “because I was a girl.”
I finally realized that acting less like a girl did not make people respect women more like I had hoped it would. My success did not bump women up, I just became alienated.
Other women, despite what I’d been taught to think my entire life, were not my enemy. In fact, other women were often the ones boosting me up and supporting me.
From the best friends I made in high school to the strangers at parties who have walked me home, I have had a support system of strong women my entire life. They shared my struggles, celebrated my successes and have never let me down.
Sharing all the wonderful women who have contributed to my success, it pains me even more that violence and assault against women is so prevalent. We’ve been taught to recite the statistics, the ever-constant thought that in the next hour, you could just become a number in an infographic.
As a college-aged, sorority member who happens to be openly bisexual, the odds against me are overwhelmingly high. I have been lucky. Painfully lucky. Someone always showed up when I needed them, I always found myself leaving a situation before things got bad. I wish a lot of my friends had been lucky. I wish a lot of other women had been lucky as well.
In the midst of Women’s History Month, I can say that I am proud of being a woman, that I am proud of the women before me and proud of the women to come. I stand with women in their accomplishments, their struggles and their failures.
I stand with queer women, women who are transitioning, women of color, women with disabilities, women who are most vulnerable to hate crimes and sexual assault. I stand with men too. I stand with the men who have been kind to me, who have had my back when I needed them, who have listened to me and other women when they have told their stories. Feminism is not women against men. It is women and men rising up together to challenge inequalities and gender roles, to create a better and more inclusive future for all.
This Women’s History Month, honor the women before you, as well as the ones currently in your life. Listen to women telling their stories, of speaking out against injustice. We may have come a long way in the past century, but we still have a long way to go. Be an ally in the fight for women’s safety, not an obstacle.
Dani Moore can be reached at [email protected].