As an average college student, I happen to have some average college student desires. Good grades, an ability to stop procrastinating, a strong appreciation for Grub Truck macaroni & cheese, the like. My most important desire lately, you ask. The COVID-19 vaccine.
This may be a more controversial desire compared to my other wishes, but my statement still stands. I’m at a point in my life where I’ve got nothing left to lose. You could grind that vaccine up and put it into my drink for all I care. Inject it into my bloodstream, give it to me in face-mask form, have me pick it up as a suspicious-looking pill off the ground. I would do it all.
As my interest in the COVID-19 vaccine has increased, so have my opportunities. When scrolling my Microsoft Teams notifications, I stumbled upon a new announcement. Little did I know that small text would be my golden window of opportunity.
The headline blared “UI workers: Want extra hours? Now hiring golf cart drivers to drive from Parking Lots to Vaccination Centers.” Within those few words, I began to see a whole new horizon. I know what you’re thinking. My roommates were skeptical too. They told me that I’m already struggling to maintain 3 part-time jobs and a 20-credit course load. Deep in my bones, however, I knew I could prove them wrong.
Allow me to share my strategy. The first reason to accept the job would be to drive around a golf cart all day a secret desire of mine. The second reason would be to help my treasured community. The third reason, a little extra cash never hurts anybody. There is one reason that supersedes all the others: the vaccine.
Being able to work with the vaccination center would give me an opportunity to have a way into the very heart and soul of my newfound desire of becoming vaccinated. True, they never stated anything about it in the email and I doubt they were allowing all staff members to get vaccinated but there was a chance.
I already have it planned out in my mind. After hours of carefully maneuvering across fifty yards of land, transporting my sacred passengers, mastering the defensive drivers’ course, they would approach me. “Hello brave and courageous young lady,” they would say. “We happen to have an extra vaccine, better use it before it expires.” I would then feel the prick of the needle, the second coming, my body would achieve Nirvana and I would be free. I’m not sure what will come out of this fourth job. Using it to weasel my way into the vaccine is probably not practical or accomplishable. No matter what happens, I’m sure I’ll be able to receive my vaccination eventually. However, if you do happen to see me bundled up, blaring Tyler The Creator and Frank Ocean’s greatest hits out of a University golf cart sometime in the next few months, mind your business.
Dani Moore can be reached at [email protected].