For many LGBTQ+ individuals, the conventional family unit does not provide enough emotional stability and understanding to support the everyday stresses members of the community face. For this reason, the concept of the “chosen family” is critical to the well-being of the individual.
Popularized by the LGBTQ+ community in the last decade, the “chosen family” notion states that a family is a place where everyone loves and accepts you for who you are — therefore if your own biological family does not accept you, then you can go out and find people who will.
As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I understand the struggles of dealing with homophobia, however, I am in the privileged position of having a loving and accepting biological family. So I don’t have a full, firsthand understanding of the chosen family phenomenon.
I spoke with Zohar Hasson, a law student at Rutger’s University and an LGBTQ+ individual, about his experience with this phenomenon.
“The word family is important because growing up, some members of the LGBTQ+ community do not have a supportive legal,/biological family — so it gives us an opportunity to experience something we were deprived of when we were younger,” Hasson said.
The concept of a “chosen family” is one that has transcended time, sexuality, and gender to provide LGBTQ+ people of all ages with a healthy support system.
The general idea of a “chosen family” actually came about as early as the 1960s and had nothing to do with the gay community.
“Federal regulations were issued in 1969, during the Vietnam War, allowing federal employees to take funeral leave for the combat-related death of immediate relatives, including anyone they were related to by blood or affinity whose close association with the employee is the equivalent of a family relationship,” Moira Bowman, a writer for The Center for American Progress, stated.
LGBTQ+ individuals find the emotional connections and support found in “chosen families” to be just as, if not more, fulfilling than that of their blood relatives. Many biological families do not have knowledge of LGBTQ+ issues, so they do not understand many aspects of it — and many of their ideas are rooted in stereotypes and false information. When I spend time at LGBTQ+-centered places, such as the Stonewall Inn in New York City, I see a connection between everyone there that I don’t see with people who don’t belong to the LGBTQ+ community.
When I see non-LGBTQ+ friends hanging out it’s very obvious that they are just two good friends. This was different — when two friends interacted with each other there was a very noticeable connection between them that goes deeper than just “close friends.”
According to the Human Rights Campaign, 26% of LGBTQ+ youth say the biggest problem in their life is their parents not accepting them. However, even if a parent is totally accepting of their child, the child could still seek out a chosen family of their own. People in marginalized communities feel comfortable together because they have a full understanding of how the other person walks through life and navigates the world around them.
“Chosen families” have provided many LGBTQ+ individuals with the emotional support and stability they were missing from their biological,/legal families. Through community groups, safe spaces, and schooling, LGBTQ+ people are able to find members of their community with whom they feel comfortable expressing their true selves.
I would encourage my fellow LGBTQ+ Vandals who are struggling with finding love and acceptance in their biological family to take advantage of the amazing departments and resources offered at the University of Idaho — such as the LGBTQ+ Center and the Women’s Center.