Growing up in a very political family, the current president or hot democracy headlines were a topic I remember hearing about more than most things at our dinner table. Both my parents had similar yet different views which were for the most part conservative-leaning. Some nights dysfunction would become chaotic, but honestly, I had no clue what Republicans and Democrats were when I was eight, let alone how many branches of government there were, so the occasional heated disagreements were practically a foreign language to me. Looking forward, my parent’s current dinner table debates are a very different picture.
My dad is much more conservative now than he was 20 years ago, and my mom is much less informed than she was 10 years ago, but both can agree on one thing after all this time… they disagree more now than ever. Once upon a time the biggest political disagreement my parents had was one pro-life and pro-choice issue.
This might seem like it would be a great dispute to be had over your second helping of my mom’s taco soup, but no. The only thing they disagreed about was my mom believed at the time women should be allowed to get an abortion if she was sexually assaulted. My dad believed some fuzzy nauseating idea along the lines of women lying about being assaulted to cash in on abortion like it was me trying to look under 12 in middle school to order the grilled cheese of the kid’s menu.
Now the only thing hotter than my mom’s not-so-spicy taco soup is literally every political topic and news story popping up on my parents’ smartphone screens. This can originally be attributed to the election of President Donald Trump in 2016 which my dad voted with the scariest enthusiasm I’ve ever seen from him, and my mom never revealing who she voted for, but alluding to writing a name in because she hated Hillary Clinton for her husband’s affairs…because apparently that’s all on her. I digress.
I, on the other hand voted for Hillary, because I believed that she had proven her dedication to protecting women with her policies and other political action. Also I understand how our cringy two-party system works and didn’t want to get stuck with Trump for four years. I think you guessed it but, yeah, my parents hated my vote, and my dad has not ceased rubbing salt in the nation’s wound ever since.
Even with the slowly dissipating humanity in my parent‘s’ political and world views, I still choose to try to have an open dialogue with them about how they feel and think and believe on many current issues. I genuinely want to understand why they are so afraid of everyone and everything.
I want to understand how they have come to vote the way they do, because I know not all Trump enthusiasts like my dad and newly developed Trump tolerators like my mom are also gold star members of the KKK. Yes, some are or share these broken sick ways of thinking, but as many self-proclaimed “wise” scary white men have yelled in my face “not all men.”
I start these stiff conversations as dinner is winding down, because after now years of experience I know that it’s hard to eat a salad or anything else really if your dad is throwing big words and hard-hitting facts at you the whole time. Big words such as “fake news” and the real nitty-gritty fact checks that us snowflakes just melt under like “No! No! No! That’s not what he said!” I can tell you this with 100% honesty that when my parents answer my questions with something I feel like I could easily challenge or don’t agree with I always start my responses with a clarifying question.
I’ll give them an “OK so just so I know I’m understanding you” or “OK sorry I’m not following this could you explain,” and if I’m feeling like my jaw isn’t too clenched from self-control, I throw them an “oh Ok I didn’t hear that can you send me a link or pull it up on your phone?” Am I or my brothers afforded this discussion or respect, though? That’s funny if you think the answer is yes.
Since COVID-19 has taken a grip on 2020 these last few months, I haven’t been to a political debate/family dinner. But the last few times I did I was told I was not playing fair for asking the above questions in a genuine attempt to understand and make my family feel heard.
I was told I needed to stop asking my parents where they got their information from. I was told that my age and overall less time learning experience just being alive made me less informed and intelligent than my elders. I was also derated for reading my news rather than watching soundbite clips from broadcast journalism.
One night in particular I asked my parents to think about what the word “media” meant when they warned me not to trust it. Me. A journalist. With over six years’ experience in the so-called “media.” So despite being called ignorant, sensitive, a know-it-all, harsh, and my personal favorite “college-educated” (which apparently is an insult now) I will continue to talk about politics at my dinner table.
I recognize there is a time and a place for such things and that is not all the time anywhere, but I want to practice this exchange. The swapping of ideas and changing your mind as you learn is good, and I’m not sure we ever really lost it in politics, but rather can’t seem to get ahold of it.
For better or worse, I love my parents and my whole family very much despite their intense views that differ so much from mine. I hold out hope consistently that if I am patient and understanding with them, they will one day be with me and others who believe similarly to me or even different from all of us. I think understanding can be taught, and I think it’s just damn good table manners.
A simple guide to talking politics at the dinner table.
- Take off your MAGA hat or Biden Aviators when you sit down.
- Don’t talk about religion, race, gender
,or sexuality with your mouth full.
- Keep your elbows off the table while you listen to others intently.
- Clear your place after you all clear the air.
- Say thank you to your family for having you over and just don’t say anything if the meatloaf was dry and a little salty.
Rebecca Pratt can be reached at [email protected]