You know those days when you seem to be two steps behind all day?
And just when you catch up in your never-ending to-do list, you realize you’ve been walking around with your shirt on backward and inside out?
That was my day today.
I decided to get my typical cheap drip coffee refill from Einstein Bros. Bagels in a last-ditch effort to reach into the depths — maybe pray to some nebulous higher power with a beard and reignite my newly caffeinated soul.
I went to pull out my coffee punch-card when, behold, my punch card was full. The herald angels descended.
Now, for those of you who are new to the Einstein’s punch-card art, a fully punched card means you can choose any coffee drink of any size and get it for free.
Let’s make it clear — flavor adventure abounds with a full punch card.
It was my time to shine and shine I did. When I got to the front of the line, my eyes lit up as I ordered a large quad-shot blended caramel latte with whipped cream.
Just think Zoolander level “orange mocha Frappuccino” excitement.
But be warned, a free punch card is not for the faint of heart. Walking around with an enormous blended drink is like wearing your mania (and probably recommended daily caloric intake consolidated into a single beverage) on your sleeve.
Some passerby may judge your gluttony as you navigate campus with an absurdly giant coffee milkshake, but stay strong.
In the words of the late Shakespeare, formerly known as the biggest advocate for flamboyant coffee drinks, “Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.”
Be brave, be bold, but just make sure you don’t fly too close to the sun and get whipped cream on your nose without realizing it.
Ellen Dennis can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @edennis37