In what may go down as the greatest upset of the 21st century, Zips Drive-in has conquered all opposition and reigned victorious amidst the fiercest battle Moscow has ever seen.
Jimmy John’s, Panda Express, Wendy’s, McDonald’s — were all worthy competitors who couldn’t quite reach the finish line. Not even Taco Bell and their chalupas stood a chance.
With 22% of the 2,911 total responses, this freight train shows no signs of even slowing down. Zips is Moscow’s “best fast food joint.”
So, what makes Zips so special?
I knew getting to the bottom of the story wouldn’t be an easy process, but I was up to the task. My first step was to inspect the Moscow location in hopes of figuring out what makes the food worthy of its winning placement.
Max Rothenberg | Argonaut
And before even placing my order, I uncovered several clues. The first — and by far the most striking — was the fry sauce dispenser displayed front-and-center. Zips knows what they’re doing.
Whether you call it future proofing or just common sense, Zips is bucking the modern trend so many food lovers despise.
My second clue came in the form of the old-timey game machine stationed in the corner. Did I play it? Of course not. Do I intend to? Never. But studies show college students are more relaxed when in the presence of childhood relics. Smart move, Zips.
Now, let’s dig into the main event — the food. It’s a cheap tactic, a catch-all, to use the tired phrase “something for everyone.” Yet, I want you to understand I plan on using it anyway.
Upon walking up to the counter, my mouth visibly dropped. Both small bun and long bun sandwiches? Hot dogs? Fish? Chili? Chicken galore? Fried … mushrooms? Well, maybe you can’t win ‘em all, but batting a .975 still sounds pretty OK.
As a previously self-prescribed food critic and risk taker, I play a dangerous game. I can’t just get a hamburger, because that won’t let me get the full Zips experience.
As my eyes continued to scan the enormous menu, I found my turning point. The doggoner — an elegantly futuristic, out-of-this world extravaganza consisting of hot dogs inside of a cheeseburger.
It’s bold. It’s dynamic. It’s never-before seen. It’s the doggoner.
Words simply can’t do this justice — your imagination alone has to take this leap of faith.
And after I made my first decision, how could I have known there were two more heavy hitters coming my way?
Normally, I prefer fries or onion rings, but for whatever reason I felt a special connection to the tater tots, as if they were calling out my name.
Alas, however, a meal is nothing without some form of drink. My eyes glazed over the fountain options, but quickly refocused on the seemingly never-ending rows of milkshake and malt flavors.
To try them all would potentially take eons — and the earth may not even be around then — but it has become my new mission.
With a huckleberry chocolate milkshake in hand, I began to dig into my various items.
Midway through my tater tots, I came across something of a different texture.
As I pulled the singular smiley-face fry out of the bag, I realized my mission was complete. No other restaurant could possibly have the courage to cook such a daring item. For now, I can see why Zips Drive-in earned their Best of Moscow victory.
Max Rothenberg can be reached at [email protected]