At this point, it doesn’t even really matter if you like the NBA. Last Tuesday’s opening night games announced the return of the most culturally significant sport in America, so get ready for eight straight months of perfect-for-Twitter highlights and as much nightly drama as any reality TV show.
In the spirit of the glorious return of the NBA, it must be time to make some predictions. All the obvious ones are here, like Rookie of the Year and who will make the finals, but something as special and multifaceted as the NBA also requires some further off-the-wall suggestions.
Rookie of the Year: Luka Doncic, Dallas Mavericks
As soon as the Phoenix Suns took Arizona center Deandre Ayton with the first overall pick in the draft, the conversation on Twitter didn’t shift to where will the big man’s career end up among highly touted big men. Instead, a substantial number of commentators began to wonder how long it would take for the Suns to regret passing on Doncic. Everything that can be said about the Slovenian wunderkind has been said, and a short taste of his abilities in the preseason was more than enough to whet Mavericks fans’ appetites.
Head coach Rick Carlisle is historically disinclined to playing rookies, but Doncic is in a different class from Ayton and others. He has the wily veteran guidance in Dirk Nowitzki and an explosive young point guard in Dennis Smith Jr. to complement his do-everything skill set. In an absolutely loaded Western Conference, the Mavs don’t have much of a chance at making the playoffs, but Doncic will get every opportunity to ball out against some of the league’s best without having to do it all himself. Don’t be surprised if some ridiculous statlines make it seem as if he did it all himself anyway.
First Coach Fired: Tom Thibodeau, Minnesota Timberwolves
If the NBA as a whole can be likened to reality TV, then the Timberwolves are the equivalent of television’s king of crazy, The Bachelor. Between highly questionable team-building, nonexistent chemistry and organizational leadership that still thinks the general manager and head coach can be the same person, there is never a shortage of dysfunction in Minneapolis.
All of that falls on head coach Tom Thibodeau’s head. Thibodeau is going into his third season at the helm, and all signs point to there being some sort of reckoning in the coming months. Although the Wolves broke a 14-year playoff drought last season, there is little reason to expect any sort of postseason noise from the core that relies on a defense-averse Andrew Wiggins and a monumentally disgruntled Jimmy Butler. Thibodeau the GM has also been a bust, shipping out Zach LaVine, Kris Dunn, and a draft pick that would become Lauri Markkannen for Butler, who has elevated the team in terms of talent but does not fit in their long-term plans to build around Karl-Anthony Towns.
If the discontent brewing in Minnesota turns into a `10-20 start to the season, there is no reason that Thibodeau should still be employed.
Most Valuable Player: Giannis Antetokounmpo, Milwaukee Bucks
The current NBA is dominated by hyper-athletic superhumans who can make any shot look easy or wipe people from the face of the Earth with dunks. Giannis Antetokounmpo has held the title of the most super superhuman in the NBA for awhile now, and a new coach and a new-look Eastern Conference make up the perfect opportunity for a complete rise to dominance.
The Greek Freak was named to the All-NBA second team last year on the back of a second consecutive all-star performance. Now that sidekick Jabari Parker has gone to the Chicago Bulls and Eric Bledsoe has been brought in as an improvement at point guard, Antetokounmpo should be able to feast on a weakened Eastern Conference. New head coach Mike Budenholzer has a long track record of success getting to the playoffs, but he’s never had a transcendent talent like Antetokounmpo to get over the hump. All the pieces should fit together for an MVP season.
Most Likely to Date a Kardashian: Joel Embiid, Philadelphia 76ers
The Kardashians have a long history of dabbling with NBA players, starting with Kris Humphries and Lamar Odom in years gone by and with Ben Simmons connecting with Kendall Jenner throughout the summer. While each flirtation has elevated each player’s social media presence, the same cannot really be said for their play.
Inevitably, somebody new will be caught by the paparazzi, and my guess is that Joel Embiid will be the next to carry the torch. He gets the nod because he probably doesn’t care which one gives him attention, and his larger-than-life presence on social media and in reality makes him a perfect tool for the all-powerful Kris Jenner to use in maintaining the family’s profile.
NBA Finals Champions: Golden State Warriors.
Call me when the league mandates that Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson and Kevin Durant all have to shoot threes with their feet and Draymond Green and DeMarcus Cousins start actively brawling on the court two games in a row. Until then, the league’s dynasty has no peers.
Jonah Baker can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @jonahpbaker