I hate to break it to you, but there’s no gold star for participation when it comes to sex. What I mean is, you’re not going to get a pat on the back and a “you did great, you’ll get it next time” for your lousy, half-assed three-minute effort of trying to make your partner achieve the female orgasm.
Female pleasure is disgustingly overlooked — so much so, that many women act as though they’ve found their long lost dream man anytime they’re asked what they like in bed. If you even attempt to understand the complicated female anatomy, you’re “incredibly thoughtful”, or “wonderful and attentive.”
Why are we praising men for doing something that they should have been doing all along? We apologize for our bodies, and make excuses for why they’re not responding in the way they’re “supposed” to be. Guess what. Women are not the problem here. 
The other day I overheard a group of women talking: “And then he said, did you come?” They all burst out laughing, and despite my attempts not to eavesdrop, so did I. Here’s the thing. If you have to ask, it probably didn’t happen. In my experience, the person asking knew it didn’t happen, but wanted to feign some sort of care or interest in the hopes that maybe just maybe I would sleep with them again despite the looming disappointment.
While this issue might seem tight lipped on the surface, bring it up to a woman and you will unleash a flood that’s been waiting to break free since she first started having sex. Women everywhere are talking about this, and boy have I heard all sorts of excuses and justifications women have heard from the men not willing to put in the time.
There’s the classic “It’s OK! Most women can’t orgasm from having sex.” This one is great, because it’s usually followed by him turning on the Xbox for some long-awaited post-sex video gaming. I bet most women would orgasm during sex if men used whatever weird joystick witchcraft they used on their Xbox. I’m sure some of us would even be willing to shout “level up” if that’s really what it takes.
Another crowd favorite is the “Oh wow I’m just so exhausted all of the sudden. You’re good, right?” I’m sorry but on the rare occasion that women do make it to the finish line first, we’re still expected to help you finish the race. There will be plenty of time to lay in blissful mediocre exhaustion later.
The gold medal line for ignoring female pleasure goes to the guy who said, “I don’t go down on women because I’m afraid it might give me throat cancer.” The first time I heard that one, I was sure my face would never return to its normal state. It gets points for creativity, but tanks in the stupidity department.
While the main player in this issue is laziness, the root of the problem is lack of education. We are too afraid to talk openly about sex and pleasure in general, let alone female pleasure specifically. The information that is passed along about women’s bodies is either over simplified or over complicated, and it makes it difficult to find a middle ground for honest education.
The bottom line is women are not human masturbation machines. We are people who are very capable of enjoying sex but it needs to involve a little give and take — no pun intended. Sex is a two-player game. If you’re not ready for it, then do everyone a favor and have an alone night with your Xbox and your right hand.
Linzy Bonner can be reached at [email protected]