A popular mindset for college students is to continue enduring — doing just enough to get through college in order to attain a nice job and a notable income, to better themselves and find happiness.
But they tend to put themselves through the difficulty and drudgery of school without enjoying life and the process along the way. It’s seen as a short-term pain for a long-term reward of happiness. But why does happiness have to be so far away?
An ongoing 75-year study, “The Harvard Study of Adult Development,” also known as the “Harvard Happiness Study,” found that money really doesn’t provide happiness.
Robert Waldinger, a psychiatrist and the current director of the study, said 80 percent of millennials said a major life goal was to get rich and 50 percent said another major goal was to become famous. But in reality these goals are misleading — neither fame nor wealth can provide the happiness these factors supposedly carry. If all this time and effort spent pursuing wealth and a fancy title is misdirected, what should we be pursuing?
“The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier, period,” Waldinger said.
During our time in college we learn how to persevere, excel, achieve and hopefully succeed — but we often fail to learn how to be a good friend and value relationships. So much pressure is placed on us to succeed that we inadvertently neglect relationships because we don’t have time for them when we’re consumed with achieving the goals of “adulting,” and having a successful life and career. We don’t mean to, but we prioritized the wrong things.
Money is impersonal. It can, by itself, only meet needs that are the same. It is simply a tool.
Sometimes we forget what’s most important: relationships.
Everyone has a fundamental need to be known, to have their voice be heard and to know they aren’t alone. It’s important to have someone who empathizes with them in the times of joy and sorrow — someone who seeks to truly understand. We also have a universal need to know others.
When actively getting to know someone, similarities are found — the things that remind us how alike we are, the common interests and passions that when combined, ignite into a blazing fire of joy unlike anything we could experience on our own.
Similarities are wonderful to explore, but what is even more amazing is our differences. Discovering the differences between us brings a newness to our lives that keep things from getting stale — they allow us to see and experience the world in a way we would never have otherwise.
Sharing an experience with someone makes it a million times better.
Take time to prioritize the people in your life, and be open to letting new people in. Even if you’re in an amazing relationship with a significant other, you can still feel lonely if you don’t reach out and connect with other people around you.
Life is better when it’s shared with friends. And at the end of the day, does that college degree really matter more than the people in your life?
Andrew Brand can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @theandrewbrand