I started working at a very early age, and I am no stranger to how women are treated in the workplace.
Most of the mistreatment women face is obvious. I have faced pay discrepancies with male co-workers, and
even had my judgment questioned because of my hormones. With all of the obviously sexist behavior
around me, it was hard to pay attention to something else that was occurring right in front of me. In
fact, it took coming to a university and having a professor point out something that should have been
very obvious. Pet names are the workplace ass-grab of this generation.
“Here sweetie let me get that for you” I hear one of my male co-workers say from behind me as I hoist myself up on the counter at work to grab something from the shelf. Regardless, I say “thank you,” not wanting to be impolite. When I turn my back, I stifle a gag and roll my eyes.
I’m an aggressively independent person, but it wasn’t the friendly help that bothered me. It was the words: sweetie, honey, baby, sugar, doll, bird. This is just a short list of the names women are called by their male counterparts in a professional setting. Right about now you’re probably thinking, “What’s this woman’s problem? They were just being kind and offering to help. It’s not like they said, ‘Hey slut, let me give you a hand with that.’” But the issue is that the results, whether negatively intended or not, are just as damaging.
What makes many of these pet names so insidious is that they don’t seem harmful, they seem friendly, so they go unnoticed, and then aren’t directly addressed. When they are mentioned, they are met with exasperated attempts to defend what a good, well-meaning man the perpetrator is. You’re basically digging yourself a grave that will have a tombstone labeled “R.I.P. — the sensitive girl.”
When men call women “sweetie” or “baby” in the work place, they are asserting dominance in a very distinct power dynamic. These names are inherently patronizing, and they further the sexist ideology that exists around women in the work place. Women are already viewed as sensitive, small, fragile things: “Good morning little bird.” That phrase hits me like a big red launch button in the secret nuclear arms race going on in my mind.
First of all, I don’t even let my partner call me honey, sweetie, baby, let alone “little bird.” Second, I am not a little bird. I am an intelligent, powerful, 22-foot-tall, fire-breathing dragon that somehow got compacted into a 5-foot human. I am the furthest thing from a “little bird” that you will ever meet.
I notice these pet names appear frequently when a woman tries to assert and discuss a wrongdoing in the workplace. They are strategically used to invalidate women and make them feel powerless in the face of conflict. A simple, stern approach, deviating from the sugar-sweet personality that is expected of women, is met with, “oh don’t look now, she’s about to lose it.” Rightful irritation is made out to be irrational behavior. Rather than address- ing the very real issue at hand, a woman’s frustration is made into a joke. Apparently, it’s funny when women get mad. We get laughed at for being “so cute when we’re angry.” Not only am I the “cute little bird,” I’m also the “adorable little angry mouse.”
The real question is, what would happen if the tables were turned? What would the response be if I called my supervisor or even another employee “buddy” or “pal?” What if I laughed at them when they were expressing their frustrations? Something tells me it would not be met with silence, and I don’t think me explaining what a great person I am, or how sensitive they are, would fix it either.
It’s time for everyone to start paying attention to the language we use. Words are not just words. They are met with meaning and intention, and it’s time for their intention to have consequences.
Linzy Bonner can be reached at [email protected]