Clinical sexologist Lindsey Doe suggested everyone make a “want, will, won’t” list of sex acts and fill each category with around 30 things.
If they don’t know 30 or 90 things to do in bed, then maybe watching Doe’s YouTube channel “Sexplanations” could help.
Doe spoke about sex to a full audience Wednesday night for the event “Sexplanations Live!” as part of the University of Idaho’s Safe & Sexy Week. Topics ranged from sex positions, to the structure of the vulva, to the question, “Can vegans swallow?”
Doe prepared a presentation, but said she would rather have the conversation be led by student questions.
“What I’d much rather see happen is both of us be curious so we’re really just inspiring this life-long process of investigation of human sexuality, which is what you’re going to need if you continue to live,” Doe said.
The most common question Doe is asked is why she wanted to be a sexologist, she said. She quoted a book by sex expert Olivia Judson.
“I decided to dedicate myself to sex when I realized that nothing in life is more important, more interesting or more troublesome,” Doe said.
One of the first questions asked regarded circumcision, and Doe said she recommends against the procedure. She said there is no medical reason — not for hygiene, not for HIV — for the foreskin to be removed. She thinks the reason so many Americans are circumcised is because parents just passed on the tradition because they were not informed otherwise.
Doe said she is in favor of feminist pornography.
“That means that if the participants are being treated fairly, being paid and respected and like what they’re doing, then I’m all for it,” Doe said.
Issues primarily affecting college-aged students were addressed at the event.
“You spread STIs very well. You have more of a hookup culture, but I don’t mind that if you’re doing it responsibly and consensually. You talk about consent way more than when I was in college,” Doe said.
When it comes to drunk sex, Doe said not to do it.
“My suggestion is you cuddle and say ‘I can’t wait to have sex with you after our hangover,’” Doe said. “Alcohol is really tricky for me, because what I collect in my brain are stories of alcohol messing up sexuality in big and awful ways. Unless you’re both like ‘Let’s get drunk and get it on,’ then don’t do it.”
Health Promotion Director Emily Tuschhoff helped arrange the discussion and said the event went well.
“I’m excited about the turnout,” Tuschhoff said. “She seemed to really create an environment where students felt like they could ask questions, which was awesome.”
When it comes to talking about sex with younger people, Doe said to become immersed and the conversation will be easier. She talked about her child and said when he was leaving school he asked for hugs from all his classmates. A few of his classmates declined and one ran away. He said he didn’t hug anyone who didn’t say yes.
“I love that that this 5-year-old is being taught at home, at school and at daycare that you ask if you want to touch another person and you listen for what that response is. If they don’t say yes or don’t respond, then you don’t touch them,” Doe said. “I think if you get consent down, which has to come from communication, then all other sexual health will follow.”
Jack Olson can be reached at [email protected]