Taurus 4/20-5/20
Taurus, your zodiac sign is shared with the three most important Brits in the world – Queen Elizabeth, Adele and David Beckham. Your calling must be royalty and riches.
Gemini 5/21-6/21
Your obsession over cat memes has become too obsessive lately. Maybe it is time to switch to obsessing over homework instead.
Cancer 6/22-7/22
Remember, it is campus tour season. Every time you walk past a group of bright-eyed prospective students, hold back the tears and make it look like you have slept more than three hours in the past month. We don”t want to scare them away.
Leo 7/23-8/22
Buying gas station sushi last week may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but now your fridge, stomach and roommate hate you.
Virgo 8/23-9/22
The stars urge you to listen to more smooth jazz this week, and less Beyoncé. However, Queen B is better than the stars, so don”t listen to anything they say.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Libra, it is time to get over your fear of public speaking. Instead of imagining everyone in their underwear, just imagine everybody in a Donald Trump mask. It will work like a charm.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
After all of those years of stalking you favorite band, the lead singer will finally write you a letter back. Whether or not that letter is a restraining order, the stars do not know.
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Let loose and bring out your creative side this week. You know you have been dying to break out your “Game of Thrones” coloring book.
Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Luck is on your side this week. Use this to your advantage and fulfill your destiny of becoming the world”s best poker player.
Aquarius 1/20-2/18
The stars say it is best to avoid all conversations involving politics this week. The side effects of this may include happiness and cheer.
Pisces 2/19-3/20
Now that you have found an apartment, it is time to sign the lease. Bring along a law school friend to act as your lawyer and make the process look really official.
Aries 3/21-4/19
Get a jumpstart on studying for finals and set up camp in the library. Remember to bring a tent, flashlight and sleeping bag. I promise no one will judge you.