The newsroom of The Argonaut is a mysterious and terrifying place, especially when the editors all filter in half-dead and exhausted after an entire semester of reporting and editing the newspaper. And no, they aren”t quite what they seem.
Katelyn Hilsenbeck
Last year, I found out that Katelyn was actually a ballerina with the Russian Ballet. As it turns out, she herself is Russian, just not one of the loud vodka-crazy ones. At least not from what she shows us. Maybe she saves that for when she goes to visit her family in Moscow, but I”ve never seen that side of her.
Ryan “Rupert” Tarinelli
The puppet that Rupert carries around has been talking more since I started as an editor. In fact, Tom Brone, the ventriloquist doll he uses in Vegas, has been the one directing all the staff meetings since the school year started. Looking at Rupert, I started to notice that he has been a little wooden lately.
Apparently, though, he and Tom are on their way to D.C. in order to perfect their act. I think it is a little more dark magic than that, but I chose not to ask.
Corrin Bond
Those who have never met Corrin wouldn”t figure her to be a very loud individual. However, no one would assume she was a quiet, well-presented ambassador to the U.N. either. That is right. She is in the U.N. with Emma Watson and all of those fabulous people attempting to change the world.
She was appointed because she was too nice to turn down the position, not because of her interest in geo-politics.
Jake Smith
Jake Smith is a perfectly coiffed individual, and a high-demand men”s footwear model. I didn”t know that was a thing either. Apparently he gets paid to wear shoes so often that they get ruined. His canvas shoes last maybe a few months, and his new leather boots he swears will last longer. They won”t.
Tea Nelson
One of the many things we didn”t know about Tea was that she has worked in the professional world as a photography model since she was three. Apparently she just has one of those faces that photography companies like to snapshot and use in their advertisements.
Tea also writes jingles for ads and sometimes does poses for Macy”s and the like. Rumor has it she was in the Macy”s Day Parade too, or at least photographed there. Or was that “Miracle on 34th Street?”
Jessica Bovee
Did you know Christopher Nolan has a cousin? Neither did we until we found out Jessica Bovee is an international film director. She is apparently very popular in Chad, the Czech Republic and New Zealand. Last I heard she also worked on “Interstellar” with Nolan himself. No wonder she isn”t around the office much.
Hannah Shirley
Hannah was on “The Last Comic Standing” last season and almost made it onto the televised broadcast. Apparently her blunt sarcasm didn”t register well through broadcast, which I find odd.
I guess she also auditioned for “America”s Got Talent” as a comedian too, but again I think the journalistic humor doesn”t filter well across all occupations and ages.
Jack Olson
If you”ve seen “Dancing With the Stars,” “So You Think You Can Dance,” or any type of dance reality show or televised dance competitions, you have seen Jack. He is the ultimate dance star.
People request him to dance at all kinds of events, including the royal wedding. I also heard he has won several trophies from competitions. He doesn”t keep those in the office though, and he won”t confirm or deny the rumors.
Garrett Cabeza
Fondly known as “Grandpa” around the office, it is almost time for Garrett to move on in life. Maybe retire somewhere in the mountains and never speak to these “young kids” again. I heard he plans on moving out to a remote island somewhere near the Bahamas, but that could just be a rumor.
Either way, Grandpa will be sorely missed when the semester ends.
Josh Grissom
Roles have been switched for Josh this semester. He started as an innocent reporter and then Katelyn yelled in Russian at him until he became an editor, and he is just a confused person who doesn”t really know what he got himself into.
I almost feel bad for him, but I”m locked away in my own office and his contact with my insanity is minimal. So it can”t be too bad out there, right?
Lyndsie Kiebert
Lyndsie is an aspiring novelist. She claims her works are of literary non-fiction, but looking at her notes it seems likes she is writing the next Twilight series. Unless “vampire” means something else these days.
I don”t think this series will have what I guess people might call a happy ending. I saw something about grandchildren of VanHelsing and wolf”s blood being needed in Wiccan rituals. It was one of those things I didn”t want to ask about.
Erin Bamer
She is a hack. She said she predicted the Cubs would lose the World Series, but only after they were down to the last game. She also said dead week will suck and finals will be over soon. And that it will snow in December.
Erin claims her gypsy blood grants her the ability to see the future, I think she is a load of horse dung. But I guess a journalist has to get a profit somehow, right? I need to get my money back from her about the whole Trump thing.
Jordan Hollingshead
Jordan is a quiet guard in a mental hospital. He spends most of his time looking after a single patient. While he doesn”t speak to many of the other editors, he finds himself able to talk to his ward easily. He does his best to take care of this ward, but he knows she is crazy and will likely get worse.
Claire Whitley (me)
I was just a quiet, innocent blogger when I wrote this last year. Now I find myself wearing white jackets and chilling in padded rooms. Jordan does his best to take care of me in my cell, but we all know that it is only a matter of time before I go completely insane. But hey, at least I get to hug myself.
Claire Whitley can be reached at [email protected]