When my mom brought me to the University of Idaho my senior year of high school for Vandal Friday, she attended a few workshops geared toward parents.
One lecture she attended told parents what items they should urge their children to leave at home before they head off to college. My mother relayed the details of this lecture to me and two particular items stood out – letterman jackets and high school sweethearts.
It was March then, and all I had to worry about was my letterman jacket, which I would have left behind anyway. But come May, the latter would become an issue.
I got to know my current boyfriend right before my high school graduation. We went to different high schools but had mutual friends, and one night we started talking on a whim only to find that we had a lot in common.
It was one of those whirlwind romances where one week we were hiking as friends and a few weeks later we were inseparable – labels and all. Still, it never felt rushed and I never second guessed it.
Lyndsie Kiebert
He accepted a job traveling right after graduation, so he was gone often – away for a couple weeks, home for one. Yet, whenever he came home, we would pick up right where we left off, a new couple completely infatuated with each other.
But then August came, and suddenly we had to make a decision. Could we stay together as I started my new life in college, or would it be best to call it quits?
We both agreed to try long distance. How hard could it really be? We”d technically done it all summer.
I left for Moscow more than a year ago as a not-so-single lady, and have since learned that long distance is no cakewalk, but it is incredibly rewarding.
Despite some tough times we”ve worked through, I have a serious beef with those that say, “Leave your high school relationships behind,” as if those relationships are disposable and childish.
I understand the reasoning, I guess. Going to college is a big step, where learning, socializing and dating are all on a totally different spectrum. As a college freshman, people expected me to “find myself” and “try new things,” and the constant stigma around my committed relationship suggested it would hinder my experience in some way.
But here”s the thing – I felt like I already had a fairly firm grip on who I was, and as far as boys went, I was content with not trying anything new. I already had a keeper.
People often argue that having a long-distance love while transitioning into higher education is a distraction, but I don”t see it that way. A long-distance partner is a totally objective sounding board – someone to rant to about your roommates or your classes to, someone who knows you and is there for you if only through a phone call.
If anything, dating on a college campus could be argued as an equal or bigger distraction. I had a good thing going with someone 1,000 miles away – why drop it just because it might be a “distraction?” If it”s a healthy relationship, the trials that come with being separated from someone are not distractions – they are part of the learning and growing process and will ultimately bring the couple closer together, as cheesy as that sounds.
Having a support system, whether it”s just down the street or a nine-hour drive away, is the real goal. To have someone to make plans with and to understand my every quirk and flaw and love me anyway – that”s what I value in my relationship, not the proximity.
Besides, nothing matches the feeling of anticipation when the number of days until I see John hits single digits, and nothing makes me value my moments with him more than knowing that we worked hard to make our relationship possible.
The popular idea that long-distance relationships are unrealistic and unhealthy is incredibly closed-minded. While I don”t regret leaving behind my gaudy letterman jacket, I am grateful I chose to hang onto my relationship.
Lyndsie Kiebert can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @lyndsie_kiebert