The black bear was sitting by a cluster of ancient pine trees (nobody knew the exact age of the trees, but no one really knew how to count anyways and the mortality age was significantly low this year, so no one had time to care). Every once and a while the bear’s glossy black paw rose up like a menacing club and smacked against his own forehead, as if he forgot to pick up his cub from tree climbing. But everyone knows papa bears don’t hang out with their cubs. They’re all about nature taking its course with mama bear and then they scram before parenting sucks the life out of them.
“Alright, I’ll bite,” the wolf said. “Who we got down there this time?”
He plopped his rear next to the bear’s, and his tail got caught between his legs. The wolf grumbled about how the stupid thing never obeyed him and made him look like a pansy all the time.
Bear smacked his forehead again and his beast of a body shook with minor tremors through the ground.
“Some Pop with his cub came in this morning,” Bear replied.
He pointed between the gap of trees where an opening closer to the stream made for a secluded camping spot.
“Rahaha, this human can’t build a shelter worth a handful of berries! Check out the cub,” the wolf sneered.
Bear laughed his high-pitched laugh again and smacked his forehead.
They watched as the male human struggled to get a long skinny stick inside the red cave made out of some flimsy material they didn’t have out in the wilderness. No one understood why the humans had collapsible caves in the first place. Every time a new human showed up, maybe even with his pack, the animals would watch as they brawled with the flimsy cave until it finally stood up so it could provide shelter. The smaller male human — Champ, they heard him called once — was sitting on a stump made from the same kind of material, but it had a place to rest his front paws on either side. The champ was staring at an object between his paws, and his long claws were moving up and down as funny sounds came out it.
“This might be the best one we’ve seen this year,” Wolf said. They chuckled when the cave collapsed again, and the man chucked a rock at a tree.
“Hey guys, what’s going on? Oh wait, don’t tell me, we got another nester in the clearing,” Hawk perched herself on a thick branch above Wolf’s head. “How long has he been at that cave?”
“I saw him take it out when the sun was at the center of the sky and it’s touching the peak of the mountain now,” Bear said.
“We may be seeing a new record with this one,” Wolf said. “I can almost smell it.”
“I’m going to get Doe. She won’t want to miss this one,” Hawk said and promptly flew off.
The male human walked over to Champ and was waving his paws around before he snatched the strange object Champ was holding and pointed to the red cave that laid flat on the dirt. Champ got up and kicked at a rock, hitting the same tree.
“These guys just don’t get it do they,” Wolf said. “I wouldn’t piss a tree off like that.”
“You do that every day,” Bear said.
“Waatch you aall looking aat?” Ram clopped over to peek between the gap and accidentally stepped on Wolf’s tail, which was laying cooperatively beside him.
“Ahoooh! Gosh dangit, Ram, get out of here,” Wolf snarled.
“What? I just want to see — “
“Just go!” Bear said. He lobbed a pine cone at Ram, but missed.
“Please, guys, just this once I want to –“
“GO!” Bear and Wolf said at the same time. Ram sunk his head down and clopped off.
‘Rmf, he is so annoying,” Bear grunted.
“Tell me about it.” Wolf reached around and cleaned his tail.
“You can lick your butt later, just not in front of me. Ah, dangit we missed it! They got the dumb cave up already,” Bear complained
The two humans had finally opened up the mouth of the cave and were putting their hoard of stuff inside. Then Champ shuffled off with his paws inside the flimsy material covering his hind quarters. Humans were seriously obsessed with the stuff.
“They sure look miserable, don’t they?” Bear said. “You know, we are the smart ones. Me, I just abandoned my cubs and life is all dandy, no worries. You, you just have a ton of pups all at once and they can take care of each other. Problem solved. We don’t have to worry about all this bonding, attachment stuff like those humans are always fussing about.”
“Aight, let’s see this so called record-breaking development,” a new voice chimed.
Hawk was drifting above Doe who glided over and stopped next to Bear. “S’up Bear.” She stiffened. “Wolf.”
“Doe.” Wolf glared.
“Could you two get along for once?” Hawk said. “Awe you’ve got to be kidding me! We missed it?”
“I know ya’ll di’in wake me up from my nap fo nothin so there sure as hell betta be somethin good happenin or I’m outta here,” Doe said.
“Gosh, Doe, just cool it,” Bear said. “It can only get better. Looks like they are about to head to the stream to catch some fish with their fish sticks. This is gonna be good. I can’t believe the fish fall for this game. I’m telling you, fish are the stupidest living things in the wild.”
“Well you catch em and eat em, so what does that make you?” Doe said. Wolf barked. Hawk squawked. Bear groaned.
They all decided to move closer to the clearing for a better view of the stream. The male human was wading in the water and waiting for Champ to get in. Hawk got close enough to hear Champ say, “This is stupid, Dad,” but no one spoke human, so he couldn’t understand what Champ meant. Champ finally got in the water, but he fell over in the current.
“Watcha doin guys huh watcha doin watcha looking at huh?” They all jumped at the deep bass voice of Chipmunk.
“Damn Chip, ya think ya coulda warned us before sneakin up like that?” Doe said.
‘Sorry guys. I didn’t mean to scare you. What are we looking at, huh, huh?” Chipmunk asked.
“New humans from the clearing are playing hook the fish with stick. Looks like the male human caught a mini one,” Wolf said. “I’m gonna sneak into their cave and see if they got anything good. You in, Bear?”
*To be continued