Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Love is in the air for you, Capricorn. Reduce your carbon footprint and you might be able to find your love by Valentine’s Day.
Aquarius 1/20-2/18
The semester has barely begun and you’re already halfway through your second jar of Nutella. You’re doing this college thing right.
Pisces 2/19-3/20
Do not walk through any doors backward — it could be your downfall. Some doors lead to staircases.
Aries 3/21-4/19
Be wary of your roommate in the coming week. Although they said you could borrow their clothes, a passive aggressive note is in your near future.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
If you are gifted a fortune cookie, ignore the fortune. Those things are full of crap anyway.
Gemini 5/21-6/21
Look for images of biblical figures or presidents in your snack foods this week. Your tuition expenses are only a potato chip away.
Cancer 6/22-7/22
Avoid floral prints. Regardless of the current January weather, you’ll be particularly prone to bee attacks this week.
Leo 7/23-8/22
It is absolutely dire for you to aspire to be the person who writes the happy sayings inside Dove chocolate wrappers.
Virgo 8/23-9/22
It isn’t a myth when you hear people need eight hugs a day. Hug a stranger today … a friendly, non-threatening stranger.
Libra 9/23-10/22
A stranger may attempt to hug you today. Don’t run away — they are only fulfilling their horoscope.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Your seminar professor will not question you if you decide to give a presentation using Miley Cyrus song lyrics. You can’t stop, you won’t stop.
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Carpe Diem! Except today. Avoid crowded areas and sudden movements at all costs for now.