Tips and tricks for the average Halloween candy giver
As Halloween looms before us, children and adults alike are scrambling for costume ideas. While we often focus on costumes, we usually forget the point of those costumes entirely.
Cy Whitling
As a child, a costume is the key to free candy. I know some people harbor altruistic memories of dressing up just for the fun of it, but costumes are way more fun when it guarantees you candy.
Candy is a large part of the motivation behind many Halloween costumes, so I think the topic is worthy of discussion. Too often do adults neglect this pivotal part of the holiday. They simply grab candy to hand out without giving it any thought. Do not succumb to this folly, and select your candy with purpose!
Most grocery stores make it easy to get candy. They pile up huge displays of “fun sized” bars. Someday, I would like to meet the sad pathetic human who came up with the name “fun sized” and ask him if he has a soul.
Since when has “fun sized” meant small? We live in America. Debates over childhood obesity aside, how can we call something with less sugar more fun? I can see “snack sized,” or “socially responsible sized,” or even “live past the age of 60 sized,” but “fun sized,” really?
In addition to being misleading and poorly named, fun sized bars allow the consumer to ingest more sugar without realizing it. I can eat a lot of “fun sized” snickers bars, but if I tried to consume the same amount of calories in regular snickers, I would give up halfway through the fourth bar. Fun sized candies simply allow the consumer to pace themselves as they gorge on sugar.
Consider giving kids a single regular candy bar, instead of a handful of fun sized ones. Their excitement will warm your heart and hopefully they will give up after a few bites, thus saving themselves from an otherwise inevitable stomach ache.
Another common mistake candy givers make is choosing a bowl of gummy worms above other treats. I know, they are creepy, they are holiday themed and they are cheap. Unfortunately, they are terrible for the recipient.
Most kids carry a bucket or a bag for their candy on Halloween night. At first glance, they usually are excited by gummy worms. They grab a handful and throw them in with the rest. Then, as the evening progresses, the bag fills up with wrapped candies and other miscellaneous objects. These objects can include, but are not limited to: candy wrappers, toothbrushes, pine needles, costume accessories, wet socks and younger siblings.
When children arrive home and dump out their spoils on their beds, out will clunk a gooey mess, the conglomerate of sticky gummy worms and the aforementioned objects they have attracted. It is the nature of children to disregard any adversity in their search for candy. This can lead them to consume pine needles, socks and toothbrushes as they try to eat the gummy worms you gave them. Don’t be responsible for a child eating his own sock and say no to gummy worms.
The rules of candy etiquette are too nuanced and complicated to explain all of them here, but follow these pointers and you can avoid some of the season’s biggest blunders.
Cy Whitling can be reached at [email protected]