The warmth of the pumpkin spice latte reminded Elsa of everything she loved about fall. Two hours to kill before Biology, so she decided to meander along to the Arboretum and enjoy the cool autumn day.
The coffee made the air tolerable, but Elsa’s mind drifted along with the amber leaves. Her hard work at school garnered her a nomination for Homecoming Queen and she made it as a finalist! Elsa dreamed of crowds cheering as she claimed the gleaming spotlight of the parade.
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The whispers of dreams were rudely interrupted as the ground opened beneath Elsa’s feet. Before Elsa could ponder the impossibility of several feet of soil containing an easily-operable trap door, she had fallen into the never-ending blackness below.
Panic of dying with nothing more than a resounding crunch only blossomed for a split second before Elsa was drowning. A resounding splash filled the chasm, as some ancestral instinct took control of her limbs and pulled her to the surface.
She could swim, thankfully, even though what she was swimming in escaped her. The thick, frigid liquid in no way resembled water. Sputtering and trembling from the frosty air, Elsa swam toward a faint light emanating from a wall at the edge of the pool.
She pulled herself up onto the banks and shook herself dry to rid herself of the mysterious liquid.
Elsa surveyed her surroundings to find that she was in a cavern deep underground. A series of torches on the wall lit the way in front of her, down a mysterious passageway carved from the dirt. With a lack of better options, Elsa decided to follow the torches, in hopes of escaping the encompassing darkness.
Despite the flickering torch light, she could barely see. Tired, soaked and chilled, Elsa couldn’t fathom what caused her to end up in a mysterious passageway beneath the university. Suddenly, a faint sound caught her attention.
“Ooooo … oooo.” echoed down the passageway in a tune reminiscent of a Gregorian Chant. The melody grew louder, as Elsa proceeded down the dim hallway. “Moooo … Mooooooo.”
Realizing the chant was “moo” struck Elsa as she reached the end of the passageway, which led to a wide chamber. In the center of the chamber on a raised platform stood a group of people, clad in hooded white robes covered in black splotches, holding hands and chanting. Noticing Elsa’s presence, the group stopped chanting and broke the circle. One of the members stepped to the front of the group.
“Greetings new initiate,” a tall, blond woman said. “I am Heidi and it is my pleasure to welcome you to the Munti.”
Elsa wondered if her impromptu swim had affected her hearing.
“Did you say ‘Illuminati?'” Elsa muttered.
“No, no, no,” said a man from the back of the group. “UI didn’t have the budget to support the Illuminati, so they moved to WSU years ago. We are the Munti, a vastly superior organization with greater goals.”
A glare from Heidi cut the man off mid-sentence. Heidi gestured across the chamber, which contained a large golden cow in the center.
“We are a secret organization dedicated to ensuring bovine supremacy across the world,” Heidi grandiosely proclaimed. “Throughout the years, we used UI and schools across the country to promote cows and increase their numbers. Even today, the terrible stench that emanates from the dairy farm is our handiwork.”
While Heidi rambled on, Elsa took time to explore the room. Located behind the platform that contained the cow, a spiral dirt staircase ascended upward. It then occurred to her to look down and discover what she swam in earlier. Considering it was a white liquid and the presence of the golden cow, it didn’t take much brain power to determine it was milk. Elsa was overcome with disgust.
“Wait a minute. Why did you call me a new initiate?” Elsa asked, alarmed.
“Oh, it’s simple really!” Heidi exclaimed, smiling proudly. “Those who are elected to Homecoming Court are individually inducted into the Munti. You shall use your newly acquired power to help us achieve world domination.”
“The Homecoming Court can’t be involved with this,” Elsa said, puzzled.
“Of course the Homecoming Court is involved. After all, did you really think there was any other reason for adults to participate in a juvenile popularity contest?” Heidi condescendingly said.
A far more important question occurred to Elsa. “World domination … with cows?”
“Many people do not realize how much methane cows produce,” Heidi explained, still keeping the same creepy smile on her face. “Methane is a greenhouse gas, so increasing the amount of cows raises greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. With enough greenhouse gases, we can kick start climate change and melt Antarctica — a catastrophe that would raise sea levels around the world!”
Elsa was filled with horror. She realized that all of her hopes and dreams were crushed, since this secret society and their ill-planned doomsday would make her late for biology. Elsa needed out and she needed out quick.
“So,” Heidi said. “Are you ready to become one of us?”
Elsa pretended to consider the offer, as she moved to inspect the golden cow.
Running her hands over the cow’s neck, she asked Heidi, “Don’t you think the golden cow was a little on the nose, for a cult?”
Then, Elsa exploited every cow’s weakness. With a heave, she tipped the cow and sprinted toward the stairs. Behind her, a giant crash echoed throughout the chamber, as the fake gold of the cow shattered. The alarmed screams of the cultists propelled Elsa up the stairs and through the hatch at the top.
The hatch opened right next to the Admin Building on the other side of campus from her Biology class. For some reason, Elsa didn’t think being kidnapped by a cow cult would be considered an acceptable absence by her teacher.
Aleya Ericson can be reache at [email protected]