Aries 3/21 — 4/19
You’re in the thickets right now. Even though you didn’t pack a map or compass and you’re in bear country, you will find your way out if you continue bushwhacking. Scale the tallest tree you can find and pinpoint the horizon if hope dwindles.
Taurus 4/20 — 5/20
It’s time to review that bucket list and scratch one off. Do something crazy and break out of the rut.
Gemini 5/21 — 5-21
Smoke getting to you? Build a campfire tomorrow night, place yourself downwind and hyperventilate until it feels like you’ve contracted black lung. After the healing process concludes, you will have developed gridiron lungs that scoff at wildfire season. You’re welcome.
Cancer 6/22 — 7/22
One of the most important lessons to learn in life is realizing when to make your exit. Keep that in mind during the next few weeks.
Leo 7/23 — 8/22
When boxing legend Muhammad Ali trained for a match, he would boast out loud that he was the greatest. If you aren’t in your own corner, why should anyone else be there?
Virgo 8/23 — 9/22
I know the haters keep throwing shade on your grind, but the celestial powers foretell that the mixtape you’re about to drop will set the airwaves aflame, and you just might wake up in a new Bugatti.
Libra 9/23 — 10/22
You’ve been working your tail off, so you should probably start chasing it. Don’t let “The Man” make you forget the joys of summer romance. Players and playettes, go forth now.
Scorpio 10/23 — 11/21
Things have been satisfactory, but realize there is a significant difference between surviving and thriving. Make a plan, commit to the plan and reap the rewards.
Sagittarius 11/22 — 12/21
The befriending of dolphins will be your only protection against the events foretold in your future. Remember, only you have the capacity to save the world and be sure to pack some snacks on your quest.
Capricorn 12/22 — 1/19
Listen to more Wu-Tang Clan. It’s for the children.
Aquarius 1/20 — 2/18
You have all the aces, but the universe is saying to hold your hand a little longer. When you do throw down, the victory will be all the sweeter.
Pisces 2/19 — 3/20
Just keep swimming Pisces. Just keep swimming.