Aries 3/21 – 4/19
You will have an opportunity for intergalactic hitchhiking this week so don’t forget your towel.
Taurus
4/20 – 5/20
Unfortunately, your one true love does not love you like a love song baby. Save the one ring to rule them all for your next romantic conquest.
Gemini
5/21 – 6/20
Mom’s weekend is coming up, get your mother the one gift every mother wants — world domination. With a couple of robots and time, the world shall be hers.
Cancer
6/21 – 7/22
The spring snow may make you wish you lived in a galaxy far, far away. Don’t worry, aliens will soon make your dream a reality.
Leo
7/23 – 8/22
You can YOLO or you can live long and prosper. This week will tell which life motto determines your life expectancy.
Virgo
8/23 – 9/22
Some call it procrastinating but you call it discovering the secrets of Bioshock Infinite. Your quest will hit a snag when you are forced into a final confrontation with a test you did not study for.
Libra
9/23 – 10/22
Your diet will finally work this week when you realize that the cake is a lie.
Scorpio
10/23 – 11/21
Your quest to find the answer to life, the universe and everything will finally be solved this week.
Sagittarius
11/22 – -12/21
Resist the temptation to go over to the Dark side even though they have those cool red light sabers and good employment benefits for Stormtroopers.
Capricorn
12/22 – -1/19
Someone will take your spot in class today. Learn the ways of Sheldon Cooper to plan your revenge.
Aquarius
1/20 – 2/18
May the odds be ever in your favor for your upcoming exams.
Pisces
2/19-3/20
Unfortunately, this week you will be reminded that you ended up at University of Idaho instead of Hogwarts. Cheer up, your degree in computer science is the modern day equivalent of magic.