Taurus 4/20 – 5/20
Finding your other shoe wouldn’t be so difficult if you had cleaned your — wait, was that a shoe on the roof? Better check that out.
Gemini
5/21 – 6/21
After a week of waking up to the blaring kitchen fire alarm instead of your alarm clock, it’s time to ban your roommate from trying to make breakfast.
Cancer
6/22 – 7/22
Immediately give the person next to you high-five the person next to you — go.
Leo
7/23 – 8/22
Make it your goal to run five miles in an hour this semester. Or, perhaps make it your goal to at least step inside the Student Recreation Center once. You might like it.
Virgo
8/23 – 9/22
It’s normal that Halloween is your favorite holiday, but knocking on people’s doors in the middle of March asking for candy? Not so normal. Save the trick-or-treating for October.
Libra
9/23 – 10/22
If it’s your dream to rock out like Eddie Van Halen, it’s time to make it happen. Break out the “Guitar Hero” and practice your head bang.
Scorpio
10/23 – 11/21
When was the last time you actually enjoyed your coffee, instead of slurping it down for the caffeine rush? Try to savor every sip this week — it’s quite relaxing.
Sagittarius
11/22 – 12/21
You’re ready to change your look, but think long and hard about what makes you, “you” and emphasize that.
Capricorn
12/22 – 1/19
You’ve been practicing your autograph since you could write — you’re destined to sign something more than the top of your German exams. Dream big.
Aquarius
1/20 – 2/18
Start planning next year’s epic April Fools’ jokes now. Your prank alien abduction is going to take some planning.
Pisces
2/19 – 3/20
Feeling like your back is against the wall? Turn around and bust through it with an iron fist. You can do anything.
Aries 3/21 – 4/19
Just imagine the day when you’ll be able to swap hot tea and a cozy blanket for sweet iced tea and tan lines. Have patience, that day will come.