“Without stress we would all be very, very, very nice. And stomach-churningly contented. And in all honesty, who wants to live in a world like that? Calm is for wimps. Get real.”
Years ago I read Kaz Cooke’s advice on living stressfully in “The Little Book of Stress.” I admit I have found her advice escaping me at many points, and felt the calm trying to creep up on me and catch me unawares.
It’s time to get real.
A myriad of press companies have recently published articles about the benefits of stress. News sources like The Wall Street Journal and BBC present scientific — even almost logical — reasons social tension may be good for your health. Many articles say it helps you “get in the zone” and spurs peak performance.
There are many ways people “get in the zone,” a majority of which are illegal. This makes stress even more desirable: It is free, legal and relatively safe.
An easy one to practice if you are a university student is always being late. An age-old stress tip, this tactic has worked wonders to give its user other stressors such as affected grades and forgotten assignments.
“Eat less food,” Cooke says, another thrifty tip for the financially struggling and stress-lacking college student. And “Eat more preservatives. They are called preservatives because they help you live longer.” A college student can harness this tip by buying all your food at a gas station, preferably at night when hungry.
Applying for credit cards can be another great way to enhance your stress levels. Be sure to follow it with day-long shopping excursions with children in order to make good use of the cards.
Self-evaluation is a must for future success, which of course, is all you should focus on. So after every conversation, evaluate it with careful scrutiny. Reflect upon your past and dig up as many unhappy memories as you can, and share one with each person you speak to. You may also want to meditate on these or a picture of a recently deceased buddy. Meditation has many proven longevity benefits.
Stress in relationships can also be achieved cost-efficiently. Make sure to call your significant other at least 20 times a day. If they do not answer, consider rushing to the police station. Some advice of Cooke’s is to make sure to keep photos of old lovers lying around where they can easily be found.
There are many ways you can “spur your performance and well-being” other than stress. It’s really not too difficult to achieve the rapid heart beat that could see you to at least your 90s.
The last one is simple, and can be used throughout your day in friendships, relationships and simply in passing. Let everyone know just how stressed you are, and let them know loudly and clearly.
You’ll feel better for it.