In the movie “The Way,” shown recently at the Kenworthy Theater, a broken-hearted father embarks on a pilgrimage across northern Spain, dispersing the ashes of his son who lost his life while on the trail.
“Most people don’t have the luxury of leaving it all behind,” the father said.
Although the trek was a difficult one, it was clear that the thing he struggled with was not the physical journey. Despite the breathtaking scenery and physical hardship, he remained numb following his son’s death. Letting others get close to him and understand his pain helped the man face his real fears.
In reflection of similar journeys we all go through, the idea of a “pilgrimage” seems different from a journey someplace new. It is more like an uncovering of our “selves” that have been here all along, wherever we go and whatever we do.
I will admit the story of this man’s journey got to me. In 10 days I will be traveling home to New Zealand. Two years ago, I left everything I had ever known to come to Idaho. I “left it all behind” — the sand my toes were so used to digging into, the tree hut that had years of angst scribbled on it and the chicken that followed me up the drive each morning to get the paper. I took off to a country where I didn’t know a soul and didn’t look back.
Of course, this is not an uncommon story for a college student. The feeling of going back to the place of our childhood can feel a little like a pilgrimage. We experience a time of limbo — we’re not sure where to call home and not sure where our alliances to people or places lie.
Leaving home, we expect a shift in mindset and a challenge to our perceptions. But often the real challenge is exposing the self behind those perceptions — the self who questions and searches. This is perhaps why after so many new experiences, facing the past can be the most difficult. It’s often easier to run away and form new identities than it is to look at why we have become who we are now.
Most students have already experienced the strange feeling of being around parents and high school friends who lack an understanding of who we have become. Friends have spoken of wondering whether they should be helping out around the house, being unsure about having a drink with their parents or about having others stay the night.
Yet however strange or frustrating this feels, these experiences are often ones of forced reflection about the person we are becoming. They are common experiences that despite different upbringings and situations, we all experience in some way. Perhaps it’s something that with so many late teens and 20-somethings in Moscow should be discussed more rather than being private battles.
So it is time for me to join the rest of you: To take the pilgrimage home. I admit I am scared. Perhaps I did have the “luxury” of leaving it all behind — oceans behind. But it is now time to face the past.